JOKES 笑话

The bear and the rabbit  

熊和兔子

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes. The bear went first and he said,” I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."

Dog Days  

狗的日常生活

Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room. When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for, he answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you here for?" The first dog replies grimly, "I'm also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidentally bumped into the table and broke them all."

The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he's in for. The third dog answers, "The reason I'm here is the other day my master stepped out of the shower and she bent over. I couldn't resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like a wild animal!"

"So I guess you're also here to be put to sleep?" says the first dog.

The third dog answers, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

A Bunny Story  

兔兔的故事

Once there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. Once the man knew what had happened, he quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road was the Easter bunny.

The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter bunny!" The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convert table. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.

The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter Day, and it's my entire fault." The woman ran back to her car.

A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.

Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"

The woman replied, "Its hare spray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

This Little Piggy  

这只小猪

Five little pigs walk into a bar. The first pig asks the bartender for a beer. The pig finishes the beer and asks where the bathroom is. The second pig goes up to the bartender and asks for two beers. The second pig finishes the two beers and asks where the bathroom is. The third and fourth pig go up to the bartender and ask for three and four beers. After finishing their beers, they ask where the bathroom is.

The fifth pig goes up to the bar, but before he can order, the bartender says, "You don't have to say anything, you want five beers, right?"

The fifth pig says to him, "Right, but I'm the pig that goes pee pee all the way home.

Bats  

蝙蝠

Two bats are going for their midnight feed. After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood. The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously:” Where did you get all that blood from?"

The second bat replies: "Follow me. I’ll show you."

After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"

The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"

Other bat says, "I didn't."

Talking Dog  

会说话的狗

A dog walks into a bar. He hops up on a bar stool and puts his front paws on the bar. He looks the bartender right in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I'm a talking dog. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink for the talking dog?" The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Alright. The toilet's right around the corner."

Firetruck

救火车

A firefighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. The boy is wearing a firefighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

The firefighter says, "Hey little partner, what are you doing?"

The little boy says, "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck."

The firefighter walks over to take a closer look. That's sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter says with admiration.

The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar, and to the cat's testicles. The boy says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Keywords 词汇

genie n. 妖怪，鬼

helmet n. 头盔，钢盔

vet n. 兽医

grimly adv. 严格地，可怕地，冷酷地

chase n. 追赶，追击

convert n. 皈依者

motionless adj. 不动的，静止的

spring up 跳起来

pee n. 小便

enviously adv. 羡慕地

stool n.凳子，厕所

siren n.汽笛，警报器

posted on 2006-04-29 18:23 《出国与留学》 阅读(1459) 评论(0)  编辑  收藏 网摘收藏