The College Entrance Examination ended, which must have made all the grade 3 students happy. This made me ponder which universities can my students go. Maybe this thinking is not so good for my health at present because the doctor told me I just need to rest and rest and rest. Before the acident happened, I worked so hard for I really hoped all my students could go to universities because I believe education in univeristies are very important.
I was the students' main techer and I taught them for 1 and a half semester but the accident happened to me. It is said that I always screamed with pain while I lost conscious:"Do exercise 2 , exercise 4 exercise 6. Why so stupid. YOu should do it correctly." The docotor said it was because of pressures of work and this would make me hard to wake up. When my colleagues went to visit me in the hosptial they also knew this so they told the headmaster of the school. They told me the teachers staying in the class also told the students. Probably this made the students in my class of the past so inspired that they began to work hard and keep the discipline of the school well. Some of them went to the hospital holding my hand to talk with me wishing that I could wake up and get healthy soon. It sounds like the accident became a good eperience for me.
Now I still don't know about the result of their exam just wish they decide on their future by themselves. Some of them even sent me email and asked me to go to a park with them. I just replied and told them the truth that I still have operation. I always believe the responsibility it is not correct to play with any students.
The schoolmaster told all my families he was touched because of my hardworking because of this accident. So his decision is that I can go back to work whenever I feel better and I can do something else if I don't want to be a teacher anymore. It was first time that I know even officers could have this decision.
I told my best friend Yolanda about this and asked her what my suitale job is. She advised me to be a Libralian to read books I like. She even believed I could be a writer in the future. But I never think I have the talent to be a writer. I only know how to write rubbish. I remember the time when I graduated from the Normal College I actually just wanted to teach for about 2 years then change another job. But now it has been a very long time. Maybe this accident really gave good chance to me. I have decided I will go back to work next year but not my job. Who knows ? Maybe I will never work in the school again.
posted @ 2008-10-03 17:58
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I think of death recently.
In The Prophet : On Death, the Famous writer Kahlil Gibran tells us:
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
I have deep feeling about this probably because I had an accident at 6:50 when I was going to work at February. This car crash was a death I had survived. A taxi hit me, which made me lived in the hospital for two months. I still remember I should go to work at that time because a workmate asked me to help because his relative was sick and needed to live in the hospital. I just wanted to help. However I slept in the hospital that night. I was unconcious for a month. I woke up after a month. My families even told me I was injured and lost a lot of blood so I even had to be given transfusion for three times. When I began to know everything even my character changed. I just found out I had bad memory so I cried all the time. I believed I was dead for a few hours at that time. Was the world telling me what is the secret of death?
I remember a great poem by Sylvia Plath
A sort of walking miracle
I am only thirty
And like the cat I have nine times to die
Why it sounds so similar to me. I even think of committing suicide. I didn't do this because I don't want to hurt my families and all my friends. The time I had the accident, so many people went to visit me. My mom cried so many times when she saw me and my friends also cried. My sister brother and Dad, they couldn't sleep for 3 days the time when I had the injuries. I know if I died I would hurt them all their lives,which would even make them sad all their lives. So I won't have suicide.
So many friends came to care about me even if they are busy and live far away. They just told me my charactor hasn't changed and I am still so optmistic carefree and humorous but I just told them I was becoming depressd, sorrowful, disappointed and pessimistic all the time and maybe my IQ is only 39 marks now. They just didn't believe this and laugh. I know all my friends helped to make me become woken up and recover, I am healthy like before so quickly. So I feel the power of friendship.
Bhagavad Gita tells us :
All things born must die
And out of death comes life
Face to face with what must be
Cease thou from sorrow
I just asked a friend what death means in his religion. The answer is death is just the beginning of life, sounds peaseful. I still firmly believe living is the real challenge.
In Dag Hammarskjold (Secretary-General of the United Nations from Sweden,he met his death in a plane accident) 's poem
Do not seek death
Death will find you
But seek the road which
Make death a fulfillment
It is the road of life. It is the road that all of us travel. I never had fear of death and dream travelling may be eternity.
2008
posted @ 2008-10-03 17:55
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On Thursday afternoon, Jan 10, I was about to go to No. 16 middle school to have a meeting. Suddenly my brother shouted: "Where is your bike. " All of us knew my bike must have been stolen. My brother and father went downstair and wanted to catch the thief. I doubted whether they can get my bike back, thinking of this I went to wait for my colleauges. With this terrible mood, I felt like vomitting in the car. My lovely bike is lost forever.
When we arrived, I found my mobile out of work. I had to open and open it time after time. But it still closed by itself. I had a very important appointment, but I counldn't contact anyone. Later I realized that I really had to change my mobile.
The next day when I went to work in the morning, my motor roller cracked suddenly and stopped. I knew something terible happened which meant I had to be late for work. I had to push it all the way to another school which is close to the very spot where my motor roller is broken. I sighed and sighed. End of the world. What a new year! I still remember the pain. So I began to tell my colleagues things happened on my way home when I reached my office . Everybody sighed that what society we are living in
After this, I began to ponder. The more I think of the negative impact on life, the worse I can concentrate on my work. It is not completely bad since fortunately my best friend's husband just drove her to that school and came home. I stopped him and he helped me to push it and drove me to my school with great delight even though I was a little late for my classes. Only after a while did I find a card on my desk from my best friend since university. She still remembers me so well that she posted this card to me. I should start to count my blessings. And I have loving parents ......uncountable...... I am not going to be beaten. All these misfortune happened at the beginning of the year. There must be a more wonderful year waiting for me to experience.
 2008
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posted @ 2008-10-03 17:53
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When I listened to this ridiculous hoarse voice of my own, I doubted whether it was really mine. When will my voice come back to me? Remembering how eloquent I made speech to my students to awaken their soul to make every effort to be admitted to universities hysterically, I regret for that so much. Now I seemed to lost my voice forever.
It brings me back to the first day to work in 2008. The moment I opened my eyes at 6:15 am, I told myself I need to work hard in the new year and get this bunch of assholes to university. As soon as my alarm clock stopped ringing, I fell fast asleep again. I began to dream of my life in university. So many familiar faces of my bunkmates, seatmates, classmates and schoolmates. The classrooms of the past and the library dormroom, the library and the art gallery to which I thought I belonged forever. When I lift my eyelids again, I found myself had slept for another half an hour. I jumped out of my bed as quickly as possible. That afternoon I fell ill. Maybe it has been a long time since the last time I was sick. Maybe I am under too much pressure.
 Never have I felt so heavy a burden carried on my shoulder. I know how important it is for them to go to unversity. The happiness of them and their families seem to be partly depent on me. Sometimes they are lost , they just need guidance. When one student's mom called and requested that I should remember to tell her daughter not to go against her will or make the same mistake like her, when I knew that one boy in my class just experienced the loss of his father. I felt that life is really not easy for every one and I should forgive them no matter how anry I was with them sometimes. I have the responsiblity to spread happiness among them.
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posted @ 2008-10-03 17:47
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