The reviewing of the lessons and the preparation for the examinations are killing me. No matter how hard I have been trying, I just can hardly bear all the stuff in mind. This time, I cannot assure myself that I will be able to make it. This time, it is inevitable that I will have my 2nd Waterloo flunk affair in my self-taught courses' exam history, although the 1st one happened more than 8 years ago.

I feel I am suffering from neurasthenia.

I cannot concentrate myself on one object for too long, not as much as that of a cartoon clip. I don't know what is distracting my concentration. Due to this symptom, the 100-page stuff of Chinese Modern and Contemporary History that needs to be leant by heart seems to me a hundred books, and the whole recitation job is just like a Mission Impossible. Back into 2007, I could remember what I read minuates ago by a random glimpse. It looks my good memory, the only blessed gift of god, has gone.

The other symptom is anxiety. Although I know time isn't enough, I will still come here and write something, with my heart beating at least 90 times a minute, as my worry about the success or failure of the exam is blowing up. No matter what I do, I just feel anxious, meanwhile the concentration I mentioned above is even farther away.

I get to lose things since the fever weeks ago, first the transportation card, then the umbrella, then the coins. Although none of them costs a lot, they make me even more afraid of losing something else. Am I of short memory now? It adds to the anxiety above, the combination or the accumulation of which accelerates the deterioration of my memory, forming an unsaveable vicious circle that kills my time, energy, money and youth.

There are only two weeks left. What shall I do now? If I want to cheer up, I have to stay up the nights, which has been an unimaginable choice I have never made for some simple examinations. Will essence of chicken or American genseng help? I have never tried that.