1、很高兴听说你假期要来这里旅游。
应该写成 "I'm glad to hear that you are going to travel here in coming holiday."
还是 "I'm glad to hear that you were going to travel here in coming holiday."

2、我们可以开车在城市里四处看看。
应该写成"we can drive around to see the city once more."
还是"we can drive around see the city once more."

3、我必须告诉你，这里天气多变，而且通常比你所来自的城市冷。
应该写成"I should also tell you that the weather here is variable now, and usually colder than the city's where you come from."
还是"I should also tell you that the weather here is variable now, and usually colder than the city where you come from."
注：这句我想了很久，比较天气冷热，应该是用天气比天气，而不应该用天气比城市，所以我用了city's，但朋友说应该去掉's，我不确定。这句话很别扭，是否有更好的表达方法。

4、祝旅途愉快。
应该是“Wish you will have a happy trip”
还是 “Wish you have a happy trip”

以上，非常感谢。下附原文。

个人六级真题作文习作原文：

Dear Xiaowang,

I'm glad to hear that you are going to travel here in coming holiday. We have not seen each other for several years since we graduated from university and you left this city to your hometown. I miss you so much and longer for(long for) seeing you again.

Have you planned yet? I have some recommendations for you. There are many changes here after you left, so we can drive around to see the city once more, and you will find that it's so beautiful that beyond your imagination. And we can go to museum for an interesting exhibit on shown. In addition, we can go shopping as many shops have discount during the holiday.

How do you think about my recommendations? I should also tell you that the weather here is variable now, and usually colder than the city's where you come from. So take some warm overcoat with you. And when you travel here, take care of your belongings, because there are lots of theft reported.

I'm looking forward your coming. Wish you will have a happy trip.

Yours

Zhang Ying