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1. re: [BEC]考前作文辅导6(有机会获得老师批改作文)
为什么总是申请不了沪江 因为每次我都看不到验证码的图片 真是的 (英语)
2. re: [BEC] Exam Practice 5
非常好 谢谢 (英语)
3. re: [BEC]考前作文辅导2(新节目开张,参与者每人奖励100HY)
上面那个邮件有错误老师 就是让我们把多余的词语找出来 (更宽广)
4. re: [BEC] Exam Practice 4
哈哈 谢谢 你 太好了 感谢 (鹅鹅鹅)
5. re: [BEC] Exam Practice 2
@啊 不用客气,可以把答案发到论坛上. http://www.hjbbs.com/thread-32-513124.htm... (lorenaqing)
6. re: [BEC] Exam Practice 2
我在自学BEC2 很多不懂的啊 还希望你多些这方面内容 谢谢你 (啊)
7. re: [BEC] Exam Practice 2
哈哈 真的很谢谢你 (啊)
8. re: [商务英语必备1000字] 41
you should kown the buying in bulk always makes better economic sense it's not profitable for me to... (solwang)
9. re: [BEC] Exam Practice 2
WITH CORRECT CORRECT CORRECT AGAINST MOST AFTER MUST THE THE OTHER OF HAPPY MID-AUTUM DAY~~~... (kid二十面相)
10. re: [岁月留声机32] 家
想家…… (xijia5142983)

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大家好!

BEC
小组现开设一个作文辅导班,目的是使大家应付考试更得心应手。希望大家多多支持哦。

经过上期的节目,相信大家都对BEC的作文考试有了初步的印象。那么在以后的几期中,我们会让大家持续做练习,以至于到了考场就不会不知所措了。

现在要告诉大家一个好消息,沪江剑桥商务英语网为了配合本节目的进行,特邀请到BEC名师对沪江论坛BEC版块的网友作文进行评点,为各位同学在BEC的考试准备中助你一臂之力。希望大家能多多参与,这是一个很难得的机会哦。:)或许某天你的作文就会被老师进行修改呢~~free哦~



上期作业回顾:

上期作文题目:

你是一家国际大公司的人力资源部经理。你刚刚任命弗朗西斯卡女士为公司总部的销售经理。
给总部的全体员工写一个字数为40-50的备忘录:

(1)宣布对弗朗西斯卡女士的任命。

(2)说明她开始工作的具体时间。

(3)要求总部员工准备欢迎她。


上期BEC名师:昂立BEC项目部主任张梦琳老师,担任商务英语听说、企业团训听说主讲,曾在知名企业担任首席口译。从事听说教学十年之久,最乐意与同学分享职场经历,她的教学理念是:Enjoy learning English in the rest of your life!

老师建议:

首先,我们要了解一篇memo的基本格式:

MEMORANDUM
From: Olive HR Manager To: All staff
Date: 12 June, 2008 Subject: Appointment of Francisco
Here we announce the appointment of Mrs. Francisco as our new Sales Manager of the Headquarter. She will be starting her job next Monday morning. There will be a small welcome party by 9:00 that day so everyone please be on time.


从基本格式来看,网友的作文在格式上欠缺完整。
职位称呼错误。

其次,写一篇作文,我们说任何形式的BEC作文,都要考虑如下因素:
Who is going to read my memo?
What has the reader already known about this?
What does the reader need to know?
How is the reader going to respond my memo?
第三,memo尽量使用短句,这样表达清晰,结构紧凑。
第四,字数超,memo使用词汇要简短干练,确保大家都看得懂。
第五,写memo前要考虑清楚字句的组织,用精练的语言,有头有尾地把memo完成。

 


上期作业张老师点评了以下五位同学的作业:

gracezlq;shiningboy20;haywood;zdyiam;duyang250


网友作文一

MEMORANDUM[1]
TO: All employees
FROM: PR Manager
SUBJECT: Welcome new marketing manger
Ms Francisca is appointed to the marketing manager of our company for her rich experences and excellent performance for many years. [2]
Since the marketing department is so important for our company,Ms Francisca should start to work as early as possible. Tomorrow, she will come and in charge of this department[3] .
As a way to express our welcome, every member is required to gather togather [4] at 8 o'clock in the hall of the company and wait for the coming of Ms Francisca. Don't be late[5] !

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 [1]格式开头很好,可惜不完整。

 [2]后面的句子意义不大,可以取掉。

 [3]整句看起来完全有中式英文的痕迹。这么大的销售部,岂是明天说接管就接管的?

 [4]拼写错误!

 [5]口语化明显。改为:Please be sure to come on time.

 

 

网友作文二

 
To all staff[1]
All members, today I want to give a announcement. You will have a new sals manager, Mrs. Francsisc[2] . She will take the duty on next Monday. And you will be fond of her because she is easy to please. So you must be ready to welcome the lady[3] .
From Alfred
Re Assignment

 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 [1]格式不对

 [2]明显是中式英文。

 [3]这句话有命令的意味,怎么会must 欢迎呢?


网友作文三:

 

to all staff[1]
attentiong please,ms Francis which[2]  is new sales manager will come to here on 8:00 pm 7,6,2008, so that time all of you should give her a big welcome.
From Human resources manager
7,5 2008


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 [1]格式没有

 [2]我说,这位经理别管男女,是人呢,怎么能用which ?


网友作文四:

To All employees,
I am very pleased to announe [1] the appointment of Ms Fransica as our new sales manager at head office. She will be officially on board from Aug.01.2008. Please join me to give her the warmest welcome. Thank you!

From Mr Wu [2]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 [1]拼写错误

 [2]基本逻辑正确,语言干练,美中不足:格式欠缺。


 

网友作文五:

To all the staff of HQ:
Aftering serious consideration and consultation,we decide to appoint Mrs.Francisco [1] the sales manager of HQ. She is expected to start her new work next Monday. we will give her a short welcome meeting then,so all of you please make a preparation for it.

From: Mike, HR Manager
Re: Appointment [2]

[1] 加入as

[2] 颠倒了!这个应该在开头!



OK,让我们来看一下范文:

To: Head Office staff
From: Susan Beck

I have the pleasure of announcing that Ms Francesca has been appointed as the new Sales Manager at Head Office.  Ms Bianchi is due to join us on Monday 17th.  Please give her a friendly welcome when she starts work. 

Thank you.


[本期作业]

芬利尼先生决定接受安吉拉.戈达德的邀请, 写一封接受邀请的回信,字数在120-140字左右.

感谢戈达德女士的来信.

对她的各项建议表示感兴趣.

接受她请你去看戏的邀请.

对她提同的日期表示不合适作出解释。

建议另改日程。


提示:

写信时可注意把握行文语气的正式程度和礼貌委婉。
注意商务信件的格式:

一般按题目要求直接进入正文,不写地址,称呼要恰当。

信件要分段落,一般每段表达一个话题。

可用数字、弹点(用圆点标明的要点)来使行文条理更加清晰。

使用连接性词语使行文衔接更加好。

要注意行文文体的恰当性,在正式信件中不要使用缩略式,用词要准确。

信件结尾处要写上合适的结束语。

信后的问候语与信头的称呼在文体上须相匹配。


希望大家积极参与,认真参与者每人奖励50HY。

 


posted on 2008-07-23 12:59 lorenaqing 阅读(67) 评论(0)  编辑  收藏 所属分类: BEC 作文考前辅导 网摘收藏

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