“Nothing is easier than saying words. Nothing is harder than living them day after day.”

                                                       ----Arthur Gordon

The trouble with “if only” is that it doesn’t change anything. It keeps the person facing the wrong way—backward instead of forward. It wastes time. In the end, if you let it become a habit, it can become a real roadblock, an excuse for not trying any more.

This passage strikes me as a sudden flash of insight, indeed pulling me out of a so-called depression. Recalling the times when I faced failure ruefully, I completely realize what a big mistake I have made in the process of reflecting. It seemed that I was reviewing the past mistakes, trying to rise from them and accumulate experience, yet, I have to admit that I have not really learned from my failure. What I did was purely regretting if only I had done something, these unfortunate things would not have taken place, rather than, what can I do next time to improve my situation and prevent similar things from happening again and again. To substitute “if only” with “next time” when you are reflecting your past mistakes or hurts; this is what I’ve learned today. (However, this should be something that I should have figured out; hope it is not too late to see this life philosophy now.)

All through these days, I seem to have been leading a dissipated life, unable to finish the goals that I’ve set in advance and keeping idling rather than doing my real business. Isn’t it a pity? Or should I say I’m murdering my precious youth, my would-never-return college time?

I may have been going through so-called dilemma, so-called feeling of missing someone, or so-called melancholy, as I name it. However, these things virtually shouldn’t have cost so much of my time, my energy. Walk out of this state; after I finished reading this article by Arthur Gordon, I once again tried to wake myself up by murmuring this.

Talking about all these things seems to be a little stupid (Yes, I realize this), but for me, who lacks an ability of self-controlling and is prone to indulge in idling, it absolutely plays an essential role in rescuing me from being in a loss.

Get out of the past tense. The present is the most precious, and also the most apt to slip through our fingers.

Having written down such a few words, somehow I feel appeased and relieved.

From the heart, I’d like to send my best wishes to all of my friends who have ever helped me. Especially to you Roger, and I will be stronger as you have educated me, looking forward to growing into another me, different from the old ones that I’ve ever been.