雅思大作文答疑(to helena)——文章主体段的安排,附例文!!!

还是我,不好意思。我18号就要考了,现在一点感觉也没有的。上了小新的课,现在只会写opening就没有了。怎么办啊?急色特了。我一点要考到6分,有什么办法伐?我学校的offer也拿到了,1月底要走了,怎么办啊怎么办?

还有一个问题,是不是"do you agree or disagree?"的只能是agree 或disagree?我看了有些例文是impartial的。比如 the news media have influence for our life and that this is negative development. Do you agree or disagree? 这个可以写impartial的观点吗?

最后一个问题,象这种文章的思路是怎么样的?
it is generally believed that educationed is of vital importance in individuals development and well-being of societies. What should education consist of to fulfill both these fuctions?

首先,我发现你现在有些考前综合症,这种心态会影响你考试的发挥的,所以请你先冷静下来。

其次,你问的问题其实很简单啦,主要是关于作文主体段的安排问题!

雅思大作文要么4段论,要么5段论(这样写比较清晰,且容易掌握!),其区别就是:

4段论往往是两种观点都要讨论,比较适合discuss类的文章;

5段论虽然不被很多老师看好,但是我个人却觉得5段论比较好写!正文段的3段中,第1段可以花不多的笔墨写个让步段,即你所不赞成的观点的合理性(要注意,再怎么不正确的观点,只要有人提出肯定是有道理的,所以可以适当分析一下!)。然后在剩下的2段中,从自己所赞成的观点出发,来论证观点!!!

所以,我一般都选择5段论来写,除非碰到discuss类的文章。

关于你所问到的agree or disagree类的文章,你在第1段必须很明确的回答你自己是赞成的还是反对的,观点是要很明确的!

而在正文段分析的时候,当然可以从两个方面来分析,只是与你观点相同的内容多写点,不相同的么适当提到就可以了!!!

下面是一篇5段式的例文,有所不同的是,这篇文章的让步段写在了正文段的第3段,这也是可以的,但是最好是写在正文段的第1段,更合理一些!可见,雅思大作文的结构是比较灵活的,不用太计较!!!

切忌:大作文的成败主要在于文章的语言——先句型后词汇!!!


8分例文:

People have shown their selfishness and greed in modern society. Therefore, some people would like to go back to those traditional societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

Many people now make various complaints about modern society, especially people’s selfishness and greed. Some of them even argue that they would like to go back to those traditional societies. Obviously, this opinion is rather arbitrary.(36words)


结构分析:1+1’的模式,最后一句是主题句。但相对来说,第1句还可以再paraphrase一下,因为感觉和题目还是比较接近的。最后一句主题体表达得还不够直接,下文的原因最好能够在这句话里有所反映出来,这样考官看起来会比较方便。换句话说,你让考官看得爽了,考官也会让你看得爽(指作文分数),呵呵。。。
 

First of all, not everyone in modern society is so selfish and greedy that it is unbearable. It is true that some people cannot resist the temptation brought about by modern society and therefore become egotistic and greedy for wealth, fame and the like. Nonetheless, we should not overlook the fact that more people are content with current living standards and can get along with others.(66 words)

 

结构分析:1’+2的模式。第1句从正面提出modern society并不是人们想得那么不好来证明不要go back to traditional society.

What’s more, it is apparent that modern society has superiority over traditional ones in quality of life
. Unlike traditional societies, modern society leads people to know how to entertain and relax themselves and enjoy their life. People in traditional societies may be thriftier but a boring and stereotype life style cannot satisfy people’s increasing demand for material life. Life also needs creativity and novelty.(64 words)

 

结构分析:1’+3的模式。第1句还是从正面说modern society比起traditional society所具有的优越性。

Nevertheless, nothing in the world is perfect and modern society is no exception
. There is no denying that some selfish and greedy people exist in modern society but this is not a proper reason why we should go back to traditional societies. There is no doubt that there must also be a lot of selfish and greedy people in traditional societies. Going back to traditional societies, therefore, can by no means solve the problem.(73 words)


结构分析:1’+3的模式。第1句是客观承认modern society也有其自身的弊端,但是不能仅因此而就觉得应该go back to traditional society.
 

To sum up, any society, modern or traditional, has its own merits and demerits and we cannot focus only on one side. Modern society, though disliked by some people, commands my preference.  (32 words)

可见,正文段是从三个不同的角度入手,来证明自己的观点。这样的话,内容就算比较好了。其次,就是看文章的语言和表达效果了。从全文来看,没有太过明显的语言错误,虽然个别几个地方可以写的很好些,但是鉴于作者的水平不能强求。

总评:8分。

posted @ 2006-11-13 11:11 俞鑫 阅读(1641) 评论(8)  编辑  收藏 所属分类: 雅思写作 网摘收藏

  回复  引用    
2006-11-13 16:45 | helena
谢谢你,比小新讲了清楚嘛~

  回复  引用    
2006-11-15 18:37 | 开心就好!
没几天了,祝helena考个好成绩。好好考别紧张啦,你行的!
旁边支持你的小朱
  回复  引用    
2006-11-16 11:17 | helena
谢谢你了,你msn多少?
  回复  引用    
2006-11-17 18:16 | 开心就好
zguangyu@,有空联系我!
  回复  引用    
2007-04-02 12:13 | yuxin
应大家要求,贴了3篇8分的例文。一篇由外教所写(可以把他当成9分),一篇是我写的,还有一篇是学生写。大家可以参考一下
  回复  引用    
2007-04-02 13:54 | j.c.
你贴哪里了?..怎么没有看到..?....
  回复  引用    
2007-04-02 14:03 | yuxin
...
这置顶的三篇不就是么!!!呵呵。。。
  回复  引用    
2007-04-02 21:52 | veronica
YEAH~可以看到好文章了~
天,,又冷了,,大家当心身体啊,,我的嗓子已经是公鹅嗓了,,唉。。。

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该文被作者在 2007-08-06 19:58 编辑过